About What They Say About Love
by Alexi Silversmith
59 pages / 13100 words
ISBN: 978-1-61040-048-0
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When James breaks up with his girlfriend on Valentine's night, he's
forced to confront a part of himself that he's done his best to suppress
since college, the part that wants sex with another man. He’s sure he could
never share the truth with his conservative family or his best friend Ethan,
so in an attempt to figure out if his fantasies are the real thing or just a
phaze, he heads out to a local gay club.
On the jam-packed dance floor, it's easy just to move to the techno beat and
let things happen. But when James turns around to look at the guy giving him
a grope, he gets the shock of his life. Now he doesn't know whether he wants
to grab happiness with both hands -- or run for his safe, closeted life.
Sample
It was only over the past couple of years -- since he met Beth, since everyone started needling him about it being time to settle down, since he'd started to imagine that "normal" life with a wife and two kids and a dog, for God's sake -- that he'd started to feel trapped. As if his dream was a nightmare instead.
And then one day, when they were working late, Ethan had leaned over his shoulder to point out some stats on James's computer display and everything had gone to hell.
James had felt Ethan's warm, muscled back against his, the moist breath on the back of his neck, and, breathing in the musky, male scent of his friend, he had known. This was what he wanted. He wanted a man behind him, pressing up against him, holding him. He wanted what he had always been too afraid to try before: a man fucking him.
Specifically Ethan.
James rubbed his hands over his face. Ignoring it hadn't worked. Time to face the truth. It didn't matter if he called himself gay or bi. Right now, he didn't want a woman. He wanted his best friend. But that wasn't going to happen, so, breaking it down to the basics, he wanted a man. He wanted to be fucked by a man. He wasn't sure if it was just about sex or something more -- he was pretty sure he wasn't ready for a relationship with a guy, but either way, he needed to stop acting like a whiny little bitch and take action.
He sat up as an idea took root. Gay guys had this worked out, right? He'd seen a few episodes of Queer as Folk. If you looked right and gave out the signals, you could walk into a gay bar and get laid within minutes. No questions. No names exchanged. No fuss. If he didn't like it, he walked out -- a little bow-legged, sure, but none the worse for wear -- and could put all this doubt behind him. If he did like it... well, then he'd have gotten rid of his ass virginity and could start to reconsider his options for the future.
He glanced at his digital clock with growing excitement. It was only just nine p.m. The bars downtown would just be opening, filling up with horny, single, gay men who wanted some company on Valentine's Day. James could oblige.
James stood and went to the full-length mirror that Beth had put in a few weeks ago. He had a good body. He was just under six feet, not ripped, but toned, with good definition on his arms and abs. When you worked the long office hours he did, you had to get to the gym unless you wanted to end up looking like Jabba the Hut.
What was the first thing James noticed about another man?
Ass. Definitely ass.