About Finding the Divine

by JL Jensen
35 pages / 14000 words
ISBN: 978-1-60370-086-3, 1-60370-086-2
Available file types - html, lit, pdf, prc

Reading the tarot is an everyday habit for ER nurse Ian. He readies himself in the mornings by doing a spread, feeling out what the day might bring.

New ER doctor and roommate, Roberto, thinks he might pick up the habit, reading the cards for himself along with Ian. The weird thing is that Roberto’s readings come up nearly identical to Ian’s, who decides to keep that along with his attraction to Roberto to himself. At least until Ian starts to have the most amazing dreams. Can Ian find a way to tell Robert that that their budding relationship might just be in the cards?

Sample

As was my habit first thing in the morning, I pulled out my Tarot cards and did a reading for the day. I’ve found that it helps me get a handle on what’s going on in my life. My significator, the card that represents me, was always the Knight of Cups.  I don’t fit Wands – I’m not blonde, nor blue-eyed, and with red hair and green eyes, I don’t fit Swords or Pentacles either, since I’m fair-skinned and don’t have dark eyes.

“Okay, let’s see what disasters lie in wait today,” I muttered to the card as I shuffled the deck  and laid the cards out in the Celtic Cross formation on the kitchen table in my ”breakfast nook”.

I turned over the first card, the one that covered my significator and indicated the theme of the question. What the fuck? The Lovers? That’s what was concerning me? I don’t think so!

The second card – what blocks the way – was the Eight of Swords. Fears, self doubt. The image on the card was a woman, bound and blindfolded, surrounded by swords. It was a card I’d been getting a lot lately, and it sort of made sense. I was a late bloomer – I didn’t realize why I had problems getting it up with girls until college when a friend showed me a bisexual porn video with male/male/female action that included the two guys getting down and dirty with each other. That was the only thing in the whole video that turned me on, and I finally admitted what I’d been starting to suspect. I was gay. I’m a gay guy who has never had sex and I don’t know where to start to solve that problem. I’m too damned embarrassed to go to a gay bar and, quite frankly, the stories I’ve read about them make me afraid of being “fresh meat”.

Card three – my ambitions and hopes – was the Ten of Pentacles. Home, hearth, family. Yeah, that’s what I’d wanted before I’d discovered I was gay.

Card four – my subconscious desires – was the Two of Cups. True love! What rubbish! Like I’d ever be able to meet anyone given my profession and work schedule. I snorted and turned over the next card.

Card five – past influences – was the Five of Cups. It was another card I’d been getting a lot lately. I looked at the young man staring down at three overturned cups, despair written all over his face, and I could give each of those cups my own names: being gay, my parents moving, and realizing I’d never have anyone of my own to share my life. Yes, there were still two cups upright, but what were they compared to the first three?

Card six – future influences – was the Six of Wands. What the fuck? Victory? Victory in what – Love? Yeah, right. Not in this lifetime.

Card seven – my current attitude – the Fool. I wasn’t really sure if I liked the imagery of a young man about to step off of a cliff and I really didn’t understand how that applied to my current attitude, but then I was often baffled by what the cards dredged up out of my subconscious.

Card eight – other people’s attitudes – the Three of Cups. Families, celebration, parties. Well at least they didn’t hate me. Yet.

Card nine – my hopes and fears – the Ten of Swords. Yep, that was what I could expect if it ever got out that I was gay. The image of a man lying on the ground, ten swords in his back was graphic, but so was some of the stuff that people had done to gays over the years.

Card ten – the outcome – The Hierophant. What the fuck? The illustration of a man in “high church” robes, sitting on a throne, one hand pointing upward. threw me. It wasn’t a card I’d ever drawn before. I wasn’t planning on going to church in the near future – I’m definitely not into organized religion – so that didn’t fit. I pulled out my Tarot book and tried to figure out what else it might mean, but none of the meanings listed resonated with me at all. Then I looked at the clock and swore. I was going to be late to work, so I jotted the reading down in my notebook and got going with the rest of my morning routine. I would figure things out later