September 17, 2008

How Can You Have a Groom’s Cake at a Lesbian Wedding?
By Cindy Rosenthal

Spencer was not one of those girls who had spent her childhood planning her wedding. She didn’t have Barbie and Ken weddings, nor did she try to pair off her brother’s Star Wars action figures. In fact, she hadn’t thought about her potential wedding at all until after she’d proposed to her girlfriend Charlotte.

Because Charlotte was one of those girls who had spent her childhood planning her own wedding, and she had Ideas.

Spencer went along with the outdoor ceremony and the religious officiant and the professional photographer and the formal script on the silver-and-white invitations. She went along with the Crate & Barrel registry and Charlotte’s need to wear a white wedding dress. She didn’t quite get why Charlotte was so insistent on the whole “something borrowed, something blue” thing, but she didn’t argue with it.

The one thing she really didn’t understand, however, was the groom’s cake. Charlotte was southern born and bred, and according to her, all southern weddings included a red velvet groom’s cake.

“You can’t have a groom’s cake at a lesbian wedding,” Spencer protested. “There’s no groom.”

“It’s a tradition,” Charlotte said.

“Not where I’m from,”

“Well, it is where I’m from. Usually you decorate it like something the groom’s interested in – his favorite sports team, a hobby, an in-joke, something. Jonathan’s was decorated like an Alabama football jersey. We can get one shaped like a TARDIS.” She grinned. Spencer rolled her eyes.

“Just because I’m wearing pants and a tux jacket does not make me the groom.”

“We can decorate it to match the wedding cake. Do you remember my friend Patrice? She had a black and white wedding, and their groom’s cake was decorated like a chessboard. It even had chess pieces on it.”

“You realize none of my family is going to know what a red velvet cake is, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Nor will a lot of our friends.”

“Yes.”

“And it will look like the cake’s bleeding when you cut into it.”

“Yes.”

“And no one’s going to want to eat a bloody cake.”

“Aurelian might.”

Aurelian was Spencer’s cousin Sam’s boyfriend. They wouldn’t know until the actual day if he’d be able to attend, though, and Spencer wasn’t going to plan the menu around him.

“I’m not going to win this one, am I,” she sighed.

“Nope,” Charlotte said cheerfully, giving Spencer a quick kiss on the lips before going off to call the bakery.

Because Charlotte had the stronger will when it came to wedding details, she and Spencer had two cakes – a traditional (if not very big) three-tier wedding cake covered in white fondant and decorated with delicate sugar flowers, and a red velvet “groom’s” cake frosted white and topped with two little brides, which Spencer’s friend Harriet had made for them out of marzipan.

As predicted, most of Spencer’s family and most of the girls’ friends were kind of confused by the presence of a second cake, especially since it looked like a wedding cake on the outside but a bakery mistake on the inside. Charlotte’s family was unsurprised and pleased.

Spencer was just happy that Charlotte got the wedding she wanted. And the cake, while unnaturally red, really was very good.

Red Velvet Cake
2 1/4 cups all purpose flour
3 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa
1 teaspoon salt
3/4 cup vegetable shortening
1 2/3 cups sugar
2 large eggs
1 cup buttermilk
2 bottles of red food coloring
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

1. Preheat the oven to 325 F. Grease and flour a 13x9 baking pan, or two 8 or 9 inch round cake pans.
2. Combine the flour, cocoa, and salt in a large bowl.
3. Beat the shortening, sugar, and eggs in another bowl with an electric mixer on medium-high speed until it is all light and fluffy.
4. And into that, beat in the buttermilk, food coloring, and vanilla until it's blended.
5. Reduce the speed to low, and beat in the flour mixture just until it's blended.
6. Dissolve the baking soda in the vinegar in a small bowl, then beat it into the batter.
7. Pour the batter into the pan(s).
8. Bake for 30-35 minutes, until you can insert a wooden toothpick and pull it out clean.
9. Cool the cake in the pan(s) for ten minutes, then unmold onto a wire rack and let cool completely. In the meantime, you can make some frosting!

Cream cheese frosting
1. Beat 8 oz of softened cream cheese and 1/2 cup of soft margarine in a large bowl with an electric mixer until it is smooth.
2. Beat in 1 1/2 cups of confectioner's sugar and 1 teaspoon of vanilla until it is smooth.
3. Frost!

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Today's clue: Go look through Jourdan's library!