DECEMBER 9, 2007

BEFORE I SLEEP
By Jay Lygon

Jake poked the logs in the wood stove until one rolled over to show the glowing orange underside. Tiny sparks danced above the inferno then one by one winked out. As he glanced around the front room of the cabin, a smile pulled at the corners of his lips but didn’t quite reach his warm brown eyes. He was alone for Christmas, but that was okay. In fact, it was for the best. At least that’s what he kept telling himself when the Christmas music made him melancholy and the tiny twinkling lights on the tree felt more forlorn than festive. It didn’t feel like Christmas.

For hours, the snow pelting the cabin windows were small icy flakes that looked more like rain than snow. The wind coming down from the artic blew the snow against the trunks of the trees and around the tires of Jake’s truck until it was a foot deep in places. Then, after sundown, the storm paused. The sky cleared. Moonlight illuminated the deep drifts covering small gravel driveway and the dirt road beyond it. Far off between the trees, he could see glimpses of the small mountain town that was his home. Once a mining town, it thrived now on skiers from the nearby resorts and summer tourists drawn to its historic saloon and the meticulously restored period buildings.

When the snow began again, it came in big flakes that slowly drifted to the ground. Illuminated by the light from the cabin windows, Jake had to grudgingly admit the sight was almost pretty, even though he knew that the bigger flakes were wetter and heavier than the pellets that fell earlier. In the morning he’d have to shovel a path from the front door to his truck, but for that moment, he was content to listen to the Christmas music marathon on the radio and watch the snow fall.

Thank goodness he’d been able to warn Scott to stay in Denver. The sudden blizzard meant that Jake would spend Christmas Eve alone, but at least he didn’t have to worry about Scott driving on narrow, twisting dirt road that led to their cabin. Besides, that way they couldn’t fight about when to open presents. Jake firmly believed that it was best to wait for Christmas morning. That was the way his family did it. Scott was just as adamant about opening the gifts Christmas Eve.

Jake chuckled. “Guess you’re going to have to wait after all, Babe.”

He ran his hand over the beard he was growing out. In just a week, he already had a respectable fill of dark auburn hair on his chin and jaw. Scott said it made him look like a mountain man, but never explained if that was a good thing or a bad thing. While he’d never let a boyfriend dictate if he shaved of not, for the first time, Jake questioned his annual rite of growing a beard and moustache. He stroked the hair again. As a Fish and Game Warden, Jake spent a lot of time outside, and the beard was an added layer of protection from the elements. Scott would just have to put up with it until late spring, when Jake would once again be clean-shaven.

Jake sipped a cup of warm cider that was dosed with a healthy splash of applejack brandy as he watched the tiny lights twinkle on their tree. Then he set aside his drink and went over to the tree. After a glance around the empty cabin, he lifted the box wrapped in shiny silver paper and shook it. Try as he might, he couldn’t guess what was inside. Carefully, he set it back exactly where it had been and fluffed the bow. With a twinge of guilt, he noticed that the few gifts he put under the tree for Scott didn’t look like they’d been disturbed. Either that, or Scott was just as sneaky as he was.

After stoking the fire in the wood stove again, Jake nestled under a warm blanket on the couch, listened to the music, and drank the rest of his cider. Even though he meant to crawl into bed, somewhere in the middle of a hand bell choir’s rendition of Carol of the Bells, he drifted off to sleep.

***

The sound of the cabin door opening and a gust of icy air brought Jake to his feet. Standing in the doorway was Scott. “What the hell are you doing here?” Jake asked. His voice was much louder than he meant it to be. He didn’t often yell.

Scott winced. “Don’t start.”

“At least close the damn door.” But Jake didn’t wait for Scott to do it. He shouldered past and slammed it closed. Furious, he turned around to glare at Scott. That’s when he noticed the snow caked on Scott’s pants above the knees, and how pale Scott was. “How did you get here?”

Scott wearily unwound his striped scarf from his neck. “They already plowed the interstate. It didn’t get bad until I hit town. My jeep got stuck in a drift. I had to walk the rest of the way.” He slurred a bit, as if he’d been drinking. His gloved fingers fumbled with the zipper on his heavy coat.

“Let me do that,” Jake grumbled as unzipped Scott’s coat. Cold air clung to Scott. His eyes half closed and for a moment Jake thought he’d collapse. “Your clothes are wet. We have to get you out of them. Come closer to the stove.”

More than the pallor of Scott’s face, his passive stance worried Jake. He didn’t even seem to be able to work up the energy to cross the room, so Jake dragged him near the wood stove. Jake went to his knees and brushed away the snow caked on the laces. When he pulled off Scott’s socks, he saw that they were wrinkled, as if they’d been wet for a long time.

Scott shivered. His teeth chattered so loudly that Jake could hear it. Jake looked up and saw Scott’s eye lids were drooping, as if he were about to fall asleep.

“Crap! Babe, you have to stay awake!” Jake yanked Scott’s pants and underwear off.

A slow smile spread across Scott’s face. “Can’t keep your hands off me.”

Jake would have laughed, except that the slur in Scott’s voice was more pronounced. He got to his feet and yanked off the rest of Scott’s clothes. He ran to the coat hooks near the door and looked for a warm hat. The only one hanging there was a baseball cap. Scott looked so pitiful standing naked and shivering in the middle of the room. “Here, before you fall.” He moved Scott to the couch and wrapped him in the blanket.

What he really needed was a hat though. Jake glanced at the tree. What the hell. He grabbed one of Scott’s presents and ripped it open. Inside the box was a hunter’s cap with wool lining, just the thing to keep Scott from losing any more of his body heat. He jammed it onto Scott’s head.

“I’m going to make you something warm to drink. Promise me that you won’t fall asleep,” Jake said. Scott barely nodded. “Promise me.”

Scott’s eyes opened. “Okay.”

Jake sprinted to the kitchen and warmed up a cup of the hot cider in the microwave. He didn’t let it get too hot though. He knew that the worst way to treat hypothermia was to shock the body with too much heat. Slow and steady was the best treatment.

Scott’s eyes were closed when Jake got back to the couch. Jake shook his shoulder until Scott opened his eyes.

“Drink this.”

When he sipped form the mug, Scott made a face. “It’s horrible.”

“Even if it is, it’s warm, it has sugar, and it doesn’t have caffeine, so you’ll drink it.”

Scott clutched the mug. “At least it’s warming up my hands. Man, my toes feel like they’re on fire.”

Jake sat down on the couch and reached under the blanket to feel Scott’s feet. “They’re like ice, Babe. Here,” he took off his heavy socks and put them on Scott’s feet. “That should help.”

Scott hands shook. “I’m so cold.”

“I’m sorry. I can get more blankets.”

“Or you could open the gift in the silver paper. I got us an electric blanket. You could warm up the bed for me.”

Jake nodded. “Okay. Good idea.” He ripped open the present and unfolded the light blue electric blanket.

“Dual controls. Nothing but the best,” Scott said. “Dial my side up to a ten.”

“You’re getting six at most, and liking it,” Jake told him.

Scott smirked. “You still using that pick-up line?”

Jake shot Scott a hard look then went to the bedroom to start the bed warming. When he came back, Scott had his feet out from under the covers and was peeling off the socks.

“What are you doing?” Jake asked.

“I told you, my feet are burning up.”

Jake pushed Scott’s hands away. “That’s because your blood is starting to circulate back down to them. I know it’s uncomfortable, but if you don’t allow your blood warm up, it’s going to be cold when it hits your heart, and that’s a bad, bad thing. So just deal with the pain for a while, and it will pass. It’s better than losing a toe to frostbite. Trust me on this.”

“All right, Mr. Mountain Man.”

Jake chuckled. “Oh, now you listen to me.” Then he frowned. “I warned you that it was too dangerous to try to come home tonight. Why didn’t you stay in Denver?”

Scott sighed and set aside his drink. “It didn’t look that bad, so I waited, and then by the time the snow hit, every hotel was booked with stranded travelers. But they’d already sent the plows out on the interstate, so the higher I got in the mountains, the easier the drive.” He shrugged. “Go figure. So I thought I was doing okay. Then I got off the interstate, and the roads weren’t plowed. By the time I realized that I was in trouble, the jeep was stuck in a snow bank and I couldn’t get enough traction to back out of it. By then, I figured that I was closer to home than anywhere else, so I’d just walk the rest.”

The furrow between Jake’s eyebrows deepened. “Where is your jeep?”

Scott lifted and hand and weakly gestured towards town. “About 500 feet from the off ramp.”

A horrible feeling settled in the pit of Jake’s stomach. “How long did it take you to get here?”

“An hour and a half.”

Jake smacked Scott’s feet. “You idiot! Do realize that you could have died out there?”

Scott’s pale blue eyes met Jakes gaze. “At one point, when I was up to my thighs in a snow drift, and I was so tired that I thought I couldn’t take another step, that distinct possibility occurred to me.”

Jake turned away and wiped the tear that trickled down his cheek. “You moron. You could have lost toes, or fingers. Or died. Did I mention that you could have died? Why? Why didn’t you listen to me?”

“This was all part of my clever scheme to make you open gifts on Christmas Eve.”

Jake almost spoke, but stopped. He tried to hide his reluctant smile. The tension melted from his shoulders. “You brat.”

“You love me,” Scott teased.

Jake threw a small pillow at Scott’s head. “Do not,” he grumbled.

“You’re only angry because you’re worried.”

“Damn right I’m worried! Do think I want a boyfriend with seven toes?” 

“Depends on which seven. I have really sexy pinkie toes.” Scott grinned.

“Speaking of which, do your feet still hurt?” Jake asked.

“Yes.”

“Good.”  Jake stood up. “The bed is probably warm by now. Let’s go get under the covers.”

***

In the bedroom, Jake tucked Scott under the covers and then stripped. Even though the electric blanket warmed his side of the bed, he winced as touched Scott’s chilly skin.

“Hey, now you’re shivering,” Scott said. “I’m sorry.”

Even if Scott didn’t mean that as an apology for risking his life, Jake decided to take it that way and forgive him. He explained, “Skin to skin contact is one of the best ways to treat mild hypothermia. It will stop you from losing more internal heat, and slowly raise your external temperature.” He fought the urge to pull away from Scott and get warm. Was it possible that a live person’s flesh could be so cold?

“See, you are a Mountain Man. What else should we do?”

“The areas of the head, neck, and groin are very important.” Jake pressed his groin to Scott’s and tried not to wince.

Scott trembled hard. “Sorry. It must be hell touching me. I can barely stand to put my hands on myself.”

He looked so forlorn that Jake couldn’t tell him the truth- that it took every ounce of his willpower to keep clinging to Scott’s body. Instead, he pressed his lips to Scott’s neck, and stroked Scott’s chest and groin with his hands.

“It’s like you said. I can’t keep my hands off you.” Jake pressed his lips to Scott’s. “It also helps if I exhale my warm breath near your nose or mouth.”

“This would be really sexy if I wasn’t freezing.”

Jake smiled. “We can do it again Christmas morning, when you’re warmer.”

“It is Christmas morning.” Scott rolled on his side. “Next year, we’ll do this on Christmas Eve and open gifts in the morning.” He yawned. “Except that I’ll skip the whole walking miles through waist-high snow in the middle of the night to get home thing.”

“Deal.” Jake snuggled close to Scott’s back and was relieved to feel the warmth growing between them.

Scott yawned again. “I’m so tired.”

“I think it’s safe for you to fall asleep now. Your words aren’t slurring and you’re talking coherently – well, coherently for you.”

“And I’m getting warmer,” Scott said.

“That’s because you sucked all the heat off my body,” Jake told him.

Scott rolled over to face Jake. He brushed fallen bangs from Jake’s face. ““Before I fall asleep, I have to tell you something. When I started driving home, all I focused on was spending Christmas Eve with you. But when I realized how much danger I was in out alone in deep snow in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night, the thing that kept me going – this is going to sound stupid – but I realized that I’d never told you that I love you, and I thought what a waste it would be to die without once saying it to someone and meaning it.”

Jake wiped away tears. “I love you too, but I’m still mad at you, so watch your ass.”

Scott chuckled softly. “Ooh. I love it when you’re all gruff, Mr. Mountain Man.” He cuddled closer. After a while, he sighed. Then his breath came regular and deep.

Jake wrapped his arms around Scott. He’d forgotten to turn off the radio, so music still played softly in the front room of the cabin. He looked out the window. Snow was falling. As angry as he was with Scott, he had to admit that with them together, it felt like a real Christmas.

Jay Lygon's novel, Chaos Magic, is available for 15% off until 12-12-07